Confined

Today I bound my breasts for the first time since... the Quince last April?  Hmm...

I didn't have any particular plans to do it, until I was getting dressed this morning and found myself manically searching for the Ace bandage.  I managed to keep it on all day, much to my ribs' and lungs' dismay, but they're a tough lot, and we all made it through. :)

Why did I do it...?

Well #1, the sports bra just wasn't cutting it.  My breasts are (mercifully) small to begin with but I wanted an entirely flat chest.

I can honestly say that the first time I heard about people binding their breasts for reasons other than not having a bra, I was baffled.  I firmly stated, "I'm not raving about my breasts, but they're alright and I don't want to put them under bindings...."  But I seem to be doing a lot of what I never thought I'd do lately....

Number two, sometimes I get tired of the whole 'she/her' thing.  There are so many connotations attached to 'female' that I simply don't align with anymore....  And I can pass for male most of the time, so I thought why not go all the way today. :}

How did I feel throughout the day...?

"AHHH, I CAN'T BREATHE!! I'm :gasp: going:gastp: to :gasp: passthefuckout!!  :deep breath filling both lung chambers:  Ok, we're cool."  That's what I was thinking more often than not. I always get a little too zealous when it comes to wrapping any body parts--I once wrapped my ankle so tightly that my foot turned blue before I realised what was wrong.  Band-aids are the same deal.  :(

But it wasn't until mid-afternoon when I got a glance of myself in the mirror and realised how flat my chest actually was.  It was like the Sun came out from behind the clouds after a long dark.  Finally my body image aligned with the image I have in my mind's eye! I was gleeful.    It really made me feel like the discomfort of not being able to take deep breaths was worthwhile.  s/n: I need to find a binder. I cannot do this shallow-breathing thing on the daily.

A side-effect of decreasing my lung capacity was that I couldn't lower my voice. I kind of felt like a friend of mine when we have conversations about passing, and how they can't pass for male because their voice is so high.  I felt like that today. I'll just have to be more mindful on the next go.

Would I do this again...?

Sure*.  I felt way more comfortable in the day-to-day, and anything that helps with that nowadays, I'm all for.  I just have to make sure I can breathe properly before flying out the door next time.

*I just want to say as a kind of side note to this post, that I rather like my breasts, and we get along swimmingly (three weeks out of the month).  I just don't like the people's perception when they see mine, mainly the whole sexist/patriarchy thing.

I'm finding that as I present more androgynously to the public, in private I'm appreciating my curves and breasts more.  I'm phairly certain this is because I'm not having others' ideas about my body intruding my own thoughts and feeings.  Which is really nice, because as a female body, someone always has something to say about my appearance.  Growing up in the beach culture of Central Florida, with tons of plastic surgery, didn't help.

But I'ma go do some stretches. My ribs still haven't completely re-expanded....