Asshole v. Ignorant

A few weeks ago, I attended a horrible dinner where I was subjected to one of the biggest racist, sexist, transphobic assholes I've encountered during my time in Olympia.  Today, I crossed paths with said Asshole and... even my  ability to bite my tongue was sorely tested.  It's like when you've had time to steep on a situation and you want to hurl all of that anger and frustration and Hurt in your aggressor's faces but you don't out of respect for your friend, who seems to be friends with the Asshole...  Yes, I had one of those moments today.

Later, while sitting with Friend A and Friend B, the Asshole walked by again, and I commented on what an asshole the Asshole is...  And then Friend B replied  with a  half-sneer that there's a difference between being ignorant and being an asshole.  At the time, I didn't comment, my anger was too great, so it was better to walk away.

Let's rewind back to the horrible dinner though, where myself along with another trans* person was subjected to the Asshole's idiocy.  It was horrible.  And although we had friends sitting by us in this horrible situation, they were not my allies.  And that set the stage for my fury today at Friend B' comment, about the difference between ignorance and being an ass.

Yes, the difference is there, but when you are have had one of your target identities assaulted, and  you're being triggered by seeing the Asshole who was responsible for it (without any acknowledgement of their Asshole behaviour), they seem one and the same.  And when you have friends present who should be on their shit and interrupting the situation, and they don't step up, it's a harsh reminder that allies aren't  always your friends, and your friends aren't necessarily your allies.

I also don't think that cis folks have any fucking business opening their mouths about my oppression.  That's the part where you shut up and listen, and hopefully grow your allyship, cause it's sorely lacking.