The Talk

Tonight I talked with my mom and younger sister, stinky, about how they can support me as a trans*person.  I feel like the last eighteen  months were preparation for this discussion, and I have a lot of folks to thank for giving me strength and tools and clarity of mind to find the words.

Firstly, I have to say how proud I am of myself for not shirking away from a serious discussion that's needed to happen.  I feel like the last time I attempted to communicate face to face with family, I was less than articulate.  Not so this time.

I'm also really proud of myself for keeping my temper, for the most part.  I have the tendency to let my... passion get away from me, but I took deep breaths (thanks Tex) and kept my head in the game. It must have been the most present I've been in weeks. I'd forgotten I be so in the moment....

We talked about how much I appreciate their efforts to get the rest of my Orlando network in line with my name and pronouns.  This is often the biggest hurdle to overcome because it involves recognising me as the person I say I am, rather than who I was told I was supposed to be.  I'm happy to write that everyone respected my name; the pronouns were spotty and that's something I see improving with time.  I'm a patient Hufflepuff....

We talked about the awkward conversations with relatives and friends who aren't aware that I'm transitioning, and the questions that arise when they ask my mom about her 'son' or my sister about her 'other brother'. There was a lot of unanticipated pushback from my mom. I didn't realise it at the time, but she's still reeling about me coming into my trans* identity. There were a lot of hurtful things said that I'm still processing. I had the opportunity to share with her some examples from my daily experience as a trans* person, the difficulties I encounter and don't have the option of ignoring or walking away from. I really hope I was able to make some headway so that she can move past her initial anxiety to get the support she needs from accurate sources. Like, not the DSM-V or anything related to Western psychiatry.  :shudder:

We talked about finding resources of support for them as family of a trans* person.  Orlando is rather lacking gender resources (SURPRISE!!), so I'm going to find a few to kickstart things.  Keep in mind that I'm not going to hand-hold--I would hope that my loved ones will do their own research to educate themselves.

I have to say I'm so fucking grateful for my sister stinky. I wouldn't have made it through this discussion without her. She interrupted so much oppression and was right there with me as shit got real. There were numerous times I felt unsteady or uncertain in my emotions, and stinky's passion and conviction reminded me that my feelings of frustration and hurt are valid and that I have a right to feel what I feel, regardless of others' opinions. And also that I deserve to be heard in what I have to say. I'm so glad I have her.

All in all a good start to this conversation.  And now I am quite ready to get back on the plane to the rainy PNW, where tea and snuggles with friends await me.

This Gemini is completely worn out.