Emotional Constipation

I feel like I'm going to emotionally vomit.  Well, actually, I did this evening.  In my room.  All over the walls and my neatly packed clothes that are ready for the QPOCCon next week.  IT was really quite the show.  I should have recorded it.

Everything is fine when I wake up. I have clarity about my growing feelings for so-n-so, and things are great.  And then I get to campus.

I think it's the monotony of my job and also the horribly loud environment. My ears are too sensitive for that location and I always end up with headaches/general crankiness.  Add to that this emotional turmoil I've been putting myself through because I'm not listening to my Intuition (who knows exactly how everything 's going to play out, btw).  I have to recount how this week has been so far in order to do justise to the SNAFU that today was.

Monday: Gemini swagg to the nth. I was playing the game smooth

Tuesday: More of the same.  More intentional flirting, and a lot of tongue biting to stop word vomiting

Mericoles: Ambivalence.  But when I got home the Flood came and it's all on video for posterity

Jueves: Emotional constipation.  I swear I have emotional hemorrhoids from all the straining I did to get anything out.  And I could hardly to the person who needed to hear it the most.  But with my friends, it was like diarrhea.  This hard swinging did a number on my mental state, which led to the horrible temper tantrum I had this evening after receiving a certain txt msg.  I mean, my id was out of control.  She hasn't behaved like that since 2007 when I was in community college. But I worked it all out, and a resolution has been reached, and I"m going to stick by it (even if it means throwing my phone into a creek).  :}

This has been one of the most trying weeks, kind of like last week, except by this time last week, I was having the Best Week Ever.  I'm glad I recorded it, cause I'll need the buoy. ;/  But I'm actually feeling a lot better. I still need to let a bit more out via vlog, but I'm feeling much more balanced. It's times like these that I wish I had more Earth in my Star chart. Maybe it would help with my mood swings?

I started by writing a bit down this afternoon when I was feeling most tense, and it really helped articulate things.  Mhmm. :D  I just need to do that when I feel like I'm gong to overflow.  Which means a lot more writing in the near future.

I have the solution though: express myself, even if it hurts, even if I'm rejected, even if I trip and fumble and can't find the exact words to suit my Gemini.  It will be challenging, but si yo puedo. I should just grit my teeth and get on with it. I'll thank myself later.